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Tuesday, 29 October 2019

Tithes


“If the Skeksis are all-powerful and they have everything, then why do they require tithes from even the poorest Gelfling?”
The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance S1 E1, ‘End. Begin. All the Same’ (2019)

It’s not often that I feel able to recommend a television serial after having seen only the very first episode of it. After all, we’ve barely even properly clambered into the actual plot of the thing yet: it’s probably been mostly scene-setting and character introduction and laying of foundations whose true importance will only be revealed later. The premise might be a compelling one, but I can’t tell yet whether it’s been executed in such a fashion as to do it justice. So when I say I really think you might like to see The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, please be aware that I’m saying I really think you might like to see it. The thing is a visual marvel. It’s all done in puppetry, which I’d argue works as a kind of best-of-both-worlds option straddling the line between live action and animation. Like live action, it can incorporate a phenomenal degree of detail in costume and set that most animated media, reasonably enough, simply can’t be bothered with. And like animation, it can create breaktakingly fantastical worlds and inhabitants thereof, with no limit on what’s achievable but the human imagination. Add to that the total and utter charm of these real-yet-unreal entities – solid, graspable, yet hailing from beyond the realm of the factual and possible – and you have a recipe for absolute visual glee. If the plot turns out to be decent as well, well, that’ll be an added bonus.1
 
This is Deet, one of the characters we met in Episode 1. Thanks to doublemaximus at newgrounds.com for the truly gorgeous fanart.
Probably my favourite set of the first episode is the library in the city of Ha’rar, which is the capital of the Gelfling, the main inhabitants of the planet of Thra, where the story is set. Every surface of the library glimmers with wood panelling, not that you can see much of it under all the stacks and stacks of books – proper, hardbound tomes the lot of them, some designed in exotic shapes so that the pages fold over onto one another at unexpected angles.2 A magnificent spiral staircase lined with yet more books snakes up to the high ceiling. Just next to the bottom of this staircase is the reading-desk that seems to constitute the favourite haunt of Brea, the youngest daughter of the All-Maudra, who rules over Ha’rar and, by extension, all the Gelfling. But soon after we meet Brea, she’s torn from her studies by an invitation to attend Ha’rar’s annual tithing ceremony.

The All-Maudra might be top dog among the Gelfling, but she and all her subjects sit under a yet higher authority, namely, a small group of offworlders called Skeksis, who, if you couldn’t tell from the fact that they basically look like carrion birds in elaborate Tudor dress, are very definitely the Bad Guys of the story. From the off, it’s abundantly clear that they care nothing for the Gelfling or for the wellbeing of the world of Thra more broadly; on the contrary, they are intent on exploiting these things in any way possible so as to extend their own lifetimes. The Skeksis’ corruption is not well known, however, and most Gelfling do their best to be of loyal service to their foreign overlords. Part of that loyal service consists of offering a tithe, in kind, of one’s annual income. Whether this is a strict tithe, as in ten per cent, or more of a gift of whichever value the Skeksis deem appropriate, is not made clear. What is made clear is that the whole process is horrifically unjust.

At one point during the tithing ceremony, a farmer and his wife come forward and offer a bowl with a few sad-looking fruits in it. The All-Maudra is not impressed: “Your tithe is wanting.”

“Yes, Your Grace,” admits the farmer. “We beg the lords’ forgiveness. Our land has suffered a strange blight. Nothing grows.”

There is a pause. One of the two Skeksis attending the ceremony, skekOk, steps forward to get a closer look at the couple “Hmm. Lovely,” he remarks.

“What is, my lord?” asks the farmer’s wife.

“That piece – pretty! – about your neck,” replies skekOk.3

“My lord is too kind,” she says. “It was my mother’s. Her final wisdom has been dream-etched into the stone.” Sharing one another’s dreams and memories is a thing that Gelflings can apparently do by various means; it’s not been explained very much yet, but suffice it to say that this pendant takes sentimental value to a whole new level.

“Now this would make an honourable tithe!” declares skekOk.

Tension blooms. Brea is unsettled. “There’s plenty of food in our stores,” she says to her sisters standing with her. “We could pay the tithe.” They shoot her suggestion down without hesitation or concession.

Meanwhile, the farmer pleads with skekOk. “Please – anything but the pendant. Perhaps next harvest–”

“Why?” skekOk address the room in general in a hurt, whingeing tone. “Why do Gelfling hurt us so? Skeksis give so much and ask so, so little! It breaks our hearts.”

Uproar buds and blossoms among the crowd of Gelfling assembled to offer their tithes. They insist that the farmer pay just like the rest of them do.

The All-Maudra’s authoritative voice cuts through the commotion: “The lords are benevolent! Kind! They never take that which is not given.”

The farmer turns to his wife with eyes about as full of anguish as a puppet’s can be, whispers an apology, kisses her gently, and unclasps the pendant from around her neck in order to hand it over to the Skeksis.

“This is wrong!” objects Brea, though not loudly enough for anyone but her sisters to hear.

“This is the law,” snaps one of them.

“It’s the way of things,” says the other, more gently, but with no more willingness to move.

The tithe is proclaimed accepted, and the ceremony moves on to the next contributor.

Later, Brea is back at her favourite reading-desk. “I’ve been reading about the tithing,” she tells the librarian. “None of it makes sense … If the Skeksis are all-powerful, and they have everything, then why do they require tithes from even the poorest Gelfling?”

“Because all Gelfling benefit from Skeksis rule, so all Gelfling must contribute,” replies the librarian, clearly less than comfortable with where this conversation is going.”

“Or perhaps they want us fighting each other for the leftovers,” Brea suggests darkly by way of an alternative.

Of course, Brea’s question is a very good one, a very incisive one – one that threatens to expose the Skeksis’ corruption for what it is and challenge the rightness of their rule. That’s why the librarian proceeds to wrestle the book off her and forbid her from pursuing her line of thought any further: because she’s getting dangerously close to the truth. (Never trust anyone who tries to stop you reading, kids.)

If the Skeksis are all-powerful, and they have everything, then why do they require tithes? Well, the answer to that is, they don’t. They use the tithing system as a mechanism for exerting control – keeping the Gelfling poor, and perpetuating a narrative of their dependence on their Skeksis overlords. It might be the law, or the way of things, but Brea’s right: it’s wrong.
 
I think this properly brilliant fanart by BlackArro3 at newgrounds.com is based on the 1982 film which inspired the 2019 TV series, rather than the latter itself. Still, this is how Skeksis look.
So – and you knew where this was going – what about God, then? If he’s all-powerful, and he has everything, then why, under his covenant with Israel as laid out in the Torah, does he require tithes?

Well, a good place to start in terms of answering that one is, what are the tithes for? In the Skeksis’ case, they seem to just hoard the Gelfling’s contributions for themselves, with the occasional gift for a favourite along the way: the farmer’s wife’s pendant is subsequently given to the All-Maudra. By contrast, check out the following chunk of Numbers 18:

To the Levites I have given every tithe in Israel for an inheritance, in return for their service that they do, their service in the tent of meeting, so that the people of Israel do not come near the tent of meeting, lest they bear sin and die. But the Levites shall do the service of the tent of meeting, and they shall bear their iniquity. It shall be a perpetual statute throughout your generations, and among the people of Israel they shall have no inheritance. For the tithe of the people of Israel, which they present as a contribution to the LORD, I have given to the Levites for the inheritance. Therefore I have said of them that they shall have no inheritance among the people of Israel.4

So tithes, under the covenant with Israel, are the property of the Levites, who weren’t assigned any land of their own and so had no other means of supporting themselves. The other tribes, who did have land, all gave ten per cent of the income it generated as the wages of the Levites for their service in the tabernacle (or later, the temple), which they carried out on behalf of the whole nation. Levites weren’t the only ones who benefited from tithes, either; take a look at the following couple of verses taken from Deuteronomy 26:

When you have finished paying all the tithe of your produce in the third year, which is the year of tithing. giving it to the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, so that they may eat within your towns and be filled, then you shall say before the LORD your God: I have removed the sacred portion out of my house, and moreover, I have given it to the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, according to all your commandment that you have commanded me.5

The categories of people to whom tithes were given were those groups vulnerable to poverty in the socioeconomic system of ancient Israel. Land was assigned to heads of households of native Israelites, so if you found yourself outside that framework – as an immigrant, widow, or fatherless child – you’d likely be landless, as the Levites were, and so without a reliable source of income. The tithes were there, in short, to provide for those who lacked the means to provide for themselves.

Tithing as outlined in the Law, then, is not about giving stuff to the one who already has everything. God doesn’t need anyone’s stuff. It all belongs to him first by default anyway, and he lacks nothing:

For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills.
I know all the birds of the hills and all that moves in the field is mine.
If I were hungry, I would not tell you, for the world and its fullness are mine.6

That’s a little bit of Psalm 50 for you there. Now consider the Skeksis again. They have everything, because the whole planet belongs to them, but they demand offerings from even the poorest Grifling. God likewise has everything, because the whole planet – the whole universe, indeed – belongs to him, but what he demands is that the poorest of his people be provided for by the offerings of the rest. If Thra were governed according to the rules laid out in the Torah, the poor farmer whose crops had suffered blight would have been receiving of the tithe, not giving one out of his own meagre harvest.

So what does this mean for us under the new covenant with Christ? Well, the first important fact to get settled in our minds is that we are not obliged to tithe. That’s not our covenant. We’re simply not part of the same system as tithing. There is no cause for you to work out ten per cent of your income and – well, do anything in particular with it. (In fact, you might want to set your subconscious working on the matter of what you would do with it if you were going to try to tithe, while you read the next few paragraphs; I’ll touch on that question in a bit.)
 
Calculate your ten per cent ... and then whisk these pound coins to the bank, sharpish, and get them exchanged for the new sort you can actually spend.
I’ve seen it argued that, based on the Torah, ten per cent is clearly God’s base requirement for charitable giving, and so we ought to use that as our starting point when making financial decisions. I think this argument is potentially missing the point a bit. Tithing was not really charitable giving as we’d understand it; that would have been something you did on top of your tithe. Tithing it was an economic safety net for those made vulnerable to poverty by the nature of how their society worked. Paying tithes was also compulsory. So if you’ll forgive me for straying into slightly politicised language, it was fairly akin to what we might call a social security tax. It was not, to borrow Paul’s wording from 2 Corinthians 9, each one giving as he had decided in his heart. Indeed, to impose any base requirement on charitable giving is surely to defeat the point of it being charitable. Insisting that the contribution is freely given, while colouring it as sinful not to give that specific contribution, smacks a little of what the Skeksis did to the farmer and his wife, don’t you think? Somehow “God loves a giver obliged by duty” doesn’t sound quite right. Obligation is not generosity. In fact, obligation removes the opportunity for real generosity to be demonstrated – but I’ve written about that before.7

There’s also the issue that imposing a ten-per-cent minimum that Christians imagine themselves to be sinning if they don’t meet, can do harm to exactly those people tithing was designed to help – the poor and vulnerable. I saw a heartbreaking post on the Subtle Christian Traits Facebook group some months ago, in which a member of the group was asking for advice about how to handle the following situation: her parents had started ‘tithing’ – which in context seemed to mean paying to their church – ten per cent of their before-tax, rather than after-tax, income, as an ‘act of faith’, and had ended up in debt because of it. I refrained from writing a reply because I was worried I was too furious to write a helpful one, but a glance at some of the other comments only made me more furious: a majority of them affirmed that the girl’s parents were right to be tithing, even if they disagreed about the niceties of exactly how. Meanwhile, the very idea that Christians were ending up in debt – quite possibly to a non-Christian creditor – because their church was telling them to contribute more than they could afford towards its expenses, seemed pretty sickening to me.

The principle to take from Old Testament tithing isn’t the figure of ten per cent: it’s the need to provide for those members of the covenant community who lack the means to provide for themselves. Our model for how to do this is indicated in Acts 4:

No one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common … There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.8

So if you thought I was letting you off the hook when I said we’re not meant to tithe under the new covenant, think again. This point is probably worth a post of its own, but when Jesus quotes something from the Law and follows it with a ‘but’, he has a rather irritating habit of then following that ‘but’ with a demand far more stringent than the one made in the Law.9 He moves the battleground from the outer person to the inner one: no longer, do such-and-such, but rather, be such-and-such. No longer, do not murder, but rather, don’t even be angry with anyone; no longer, give your stipulated ten per cent, but rather, consider everything you own to belong to your brothers and sisters as much as to yourself. Impossible demands they may seem, and indeed they are, for us in the flesh, but Jesus is able to make them of us, because he has granted us his Spirit dwelling in us to conform us to his righteousness. There is radical sanctification, and there is grace, by his blood, for every way in which we fall short. This is the law to which we are subject.

I repeat: the principle to take from tithing is the need to provide for those members of the covenant community who lack the means to provide for themselves. I’m afraid I can’t resist mentioning that this doesn’t involve paying for church-owned real estate or salaries for professional ministers. Some people draw an analogy in this respect between the role of the Levites and that of paid ministers, but this misses a crucial distinction between the two: the function of the Levites, the duty whose performance earned them their reward, was as mediators between God and the people. Scroll back up and have another scan of that slice of Numbers 18: getting service at the tabernacle or temple wrong was literally a matter of life and death, so there needed to be a special consecrated group who could carry it out properly on behalf of everyone else. Under our covenant, on the other hand, we have no mediator but Christ. No one but he stands between us and God to bridge the gap between his holiness and our sinfulness, and prevent that dissonance from spelling our destruction. The Levites are fulfilled in Christ alone, and again, he’s God; the cattle on a thousand hills are his; he doesn’t need us to pay him a salary. Likewise, we have no temple or tabernacle to maintain: our temple is, once again, Jesus, or else it’s the community of the Church. And only one of those fulfilments is going to benefit from us sharing our income with it.

I’m not saying, by the way, that there aren’t other categories of generosity that it’s right and good for us to exercise – that the poor and vulnerable of the Church are the only people we’re ever allowed to give any money to. But looking purely at the matter of tithing, this is how it translates in our covenant.

The Skeksis have everything, but require a tribute from even the poorest Gelfling. God has everything, and apportions it to human beings as he wills. We glorify him when we manifest his love for the poor and vulnerable among his people by making sure that everyone is provided for. Holding everything in common is, for most of us, substantially more difficult than calculating ten per cent of our income and sticking it on a direct debit to the church we attend. But Jesus died and rose so that we could not only inherit his righteousness in a technical, legal way, but also be confirmed to his image in an authentic and practical way. I’m not pretending I’m any better at this jazz than anyone else in our prosperous and individualistic western society, but, in this as in so many things, adelphoi, I really do believe we ought to try.

Footnotes


2 First plug of the day, in case you’re one of those heathens who still celebrates Christmas and are well organised enough to already be thinking about presents: I have a friend who’s a bookbinder and makes really lovely notebooks with nice fat paper that doesn’t mind markers or watercolour paints: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/LunaBloomsDesign?ref=ss_profile.

3 Second plug, to similar effect: I have another friend who makes really beautiful statement jewellery from polymer clay and other bits and pieces: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/HandcraftedByHatty?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=621624757.

4 Whole chapter: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=num+18&version=ESVUK. Just ESV today. Hey, it’s late, and translating takes time.


6 And, indeed, again: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ps+50&version=ESVUK. More of my thoughts on this psalm are in ‘Rise of the Slightly Rubbish Guardians’, under April 2017 in my blog archive.

7 In ‘The Present Situation’, way back in December 2015, and also ‘Genuinely Generous’ in February 2017. Clearly I have run out of things to say and am simply repeating myself in different iterations. Hopefully it’s edifying all the same.

8 Penultimate Bible link for today: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=acts+4&version=ESVUK. I wrote about that one in ‘Hunted and a Hundredfold Houses’ in March of this year too. Blimey, I really have run out of things to say.

9 Try Matthew 5 if you don’t believe me: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+5&version=ESVUK.

Saturday, 19 October 2019

A Proposal for Ten Pieces III


Martha:            I didn’t know you could play.
The Doctor:     Oh, well, you know, if you hang around with Beethoven, you’re bound to pick a few things up.
Martha:            Hmm. Especially about playing loud.
Doctor Who S3 E6, ‘The Lazarus Experiment’ (2007)

Ten Pieces is a BBC initiative aimed at encouraging young people to engage with classical music. I’ve mentioned it a couple of times before on my blog, and if you know me in person I imagine I might have brought it up in conversation too, because I’m a big fan. There are two instalments of Ten Pieces, the first aimed at primary- and the second at seconary-school-age children: in both, each of ten pieces of orchestral music is introduced by a different celebrity presenter, who explains a bit about the piece’s composer, its context, and what it’s supposed to be about, with some nice visuals – either live-action or animated – to illustrate the same information. I think this all serves as an absolutely brilliant ‘in’ to the world of classical music, which can sadly often seem a bit pretentiously impenetrable, and so it’s only natural that my idle thoughts occasionally stray onto the matter of which pieces I’d include in a third instalment of the initiative, were such a thing ever to exist.
 
The Ankara Youth Symphony Orchestra, apparently. Thanks to DemirezerBaris for uploading this lovely picture to Wikimedia Commons under the conditions specified here: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/.
The first criterion for choosing is, of course, that none of the composers featured in the first two instalments should recur again. These are as follows:

Ten Pieces I:
1)    Gustav Theodore Holst (1874-1934, English) – ‘Mars’ from the Planets Suite
2)    Edvard Hagerup Grieg (1843-1907, Norwegian) – ‘In the Hall of the Mountain King’ from the Peer Gynt Suite
3)    Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky (1839-1881, Russian) – ‘Night on Bald Mountain’
4)    John Coolidge Adams (1947-present, American) – ‘Short Ride in a Fast Machine’
5)    Edward Benjamin Britten (1913-1976, English) – ‘Storm’ from Peter Grimes
6)    Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827, German) – Symphony no. 5
7)    Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-1791, Austrian) – Horn concerto no. 4
8)    George Frideric Handel (1685-1759, German and British) – ‘Zadok the Priest’
9)    Anna Meredith (1978-present, British) – ‘Connect It’
10) Igor Fyodorovich Stravinsky (1882-1971, Russian) – The Firebird Suite

Ten Pieces II:
1)    Wilhelm Richard Wagner (1813-1883, German) – ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ from The Ring of the Nibelung
2)    Gabriel Prokofiev (1975-present, Russian and British) – Concerto for Turntables and Orchestra
3)    Georges Bizet (1838-1875, French) – Carmen
4)    Franz Joseph Haydn (1732-1809, Austrian) – Trumpet concerto
5)    Dmitri Dmitriyevich Shostakovich (1906-1975, Russian) – Symphony no. 10
6)    Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750, German) – Toccata and Fugue
7)    Ralph Vaughan Williams (1872-1958, English) – ‘The Lark Ascending’
8)    Anna Clyne (1980-present, English) – ‘Night Ferry’
9)    Guiseppe Fortunino Francesco Verdi (1813-1901, Italian) – ‘Dies irae’ from Requiem
10) Leonard Bernstein (1918-1990, American) – ‘Mambo’ from West Side Story

Fortunately, there are still lots and lots of brilliant composers left to choose from.

The second criterion is that each chosen piece has to be orchestral; it can’t be for, say, solo piano or unaccompanied choir or whatever. It can include a piano or a choir or whatever alongside the orchestra, but the orchestra has to be there. That’s just the way the initiative is set up – creates some consistency, you know.

The third criterion is that the ten pieces should all be different: different composers from different parts of the world and different musical eras, with different musical styles. This is important because the thing is designed as an introduction to the classical genre, and so it should showcase something of the breadth of styles encompassed by that genre. The orchestra provides the consistency; everything else is up for grabs. This is the criterion I’m most likely to have a bit of trouble fulfilling, because at the end of the day, I have a particular musical taste, and I’m not going to include music I don’t like in my proposed set of pieces. Still, I can have a stab at getting a variety of stuff in there, and we’ll see how it turns out.

So here, in alphabetical order by composer’s surname, is my humble suggestion for Ten Pieces III, with a little bit of commentary as to what each piece is like in case you’re not familiar with it, that might provide the odd bit of direction for how this stuff might be presented as well.

1)    Antonín Leopold Dvořák (1841-1904, Czech) – Symphony no. 9 (‘From the New World’)
It was a tough choice here between Dvořák’s eighth and ninth symphonies, but the ninth is his most famous and it seems to be part of the principle of Ten Pieces to include some really well-known bits of music alongside the odd more obscure one. Dvořák was the director of the National Conservatory of Music in New York City from 1892 to 1895, and spoke of how Native American and African American musical styles, along with the landscape of America itself, influenced what he wrote while he was there, including the aptly-named New World Symphony.
2)    Edward William Elgar (1857-1934, English) – ‘Nimrod’ from Enigma Variations
I ummed and ahhed over which of Elgar’s works to include in my proposed set of pieces. Personally, I’m a big fan of his cello concerto, and of course his Pomp and Circumstance March no. 1 (aka ‘Land of Hope and Glory’, as sung at the Proms) is legendary, but then I decided my list was a little lacking in the way of slower and gentler pieces, and ‘Nimrod’ was the obvious solution. The story behind the name is apparently that once when Elgar was feeling very depressed and on the brink of giving up composing, his friend Augustus Jaeger came and encouraged him; Jäger is German for ‘hunter’, so in honour of his friend, Elgar named the piece after Nimrod, who Genesis tells us was ‘a mighty hunter before the LORD’.

3)    Arturo Márquez (1950-present, Mexican) – Danzón no. 2
When you pull Arturo Márquez up on Spotify, his entire top five tracks list consists of different recordings of Danzón no. 2. Danzón is a dance style which originated in Cuba but gained great popularity in Mexico; it counts English country dance among its ancestors, and mambo and cha-cha-chá among its descendants. Márquez’s Danzón no. 2 is an irresistibly motionary bit of music (if that’s a word), crammed full of tempo changes and driving rhythms, and it’s also got some really nice solo bits for lots of different instruments.

4)    Florence Beatrice Price (1887-1953, American) – Symphony no. 1
I discovered Price’s first symphony this week and I’m obsessed; it’s filled with irresistible little melodies that properly take hold of you, and somehow it just puts images of the American South in your head. Even if, like me, you’ve never been there and have very little idea how authentic those images are. Apparently much of Price’s work was nearly lost as society’s tastes changed: some of it, we only have because a bunch of her papers were retrieved from a dilapidated abandoned house in Illinois in 2009.
5)    Nikolai Andreyevich Rimsky-Korsakof (1844-1908, Russian) – Scheherezade
Scheherezade is the storyteller in the Thousand and One Arabian Nights; Rimsky-Korsakof gives her the most gorgeous up-and-down violin leitmotif that sounds like spinning a yarn, as it were, while the evil sultan who beheads every wife he marries immediately after the wedding night gets this bombastic series of threatening brass notes. Those themes recur, woven in and out of the stories Scheherezade tells as she persuades the sultan that maybe women aren’t so terrible after all.

6)    Franz Peter Schubert (1797-1828, Austrian) – Symphony no. 8 (‘Unfinished’)
A symphony, according to the traditional model, is supposed to have four movements: an introduction, a slow movement, a dance movement, and a finale. Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony only has two, hence its title. Maybe he just didn’t feel as if he needed any more after all the lovely syncopated melodies and hold-your-breath slow strings and sudden tutti interruptions of the first two.

7)    Jean Sibelius (1865-1957, Finnish) – Symphony no. 2
Yes, I know ‘Finlandia’ is more famous (you might know the main tune of that one as the hymn ‘Be Still, My Soul; The Lord Is On Thy Side’), but have you heard Sibelius’ second symphony? It’s really quite magnificent. Granted, it’s horrid to play if you’re unfortunate enough to be a violinist (like me) and not a very good one either (like me), but then you hear the brass section absolutely killing those big, dramatic fourth-movement fanfares behind you and think, you know what, never mind that I made an absolute dog’s breakfast of the third-movement fugue; this is epic.

8)    Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky (1840-1893, Russian) – Swan Lake
Swan Lake is a ballet about the unfolding romance between a prince called Siegfried and a swan – who is, I hasten to add, actually a woman called Odette who’s been cursed and can only return to human form at night. Tchaikovsky’s score is a proper bit of romantic-era stuff, all totes emosh, really loud then really quiet, builds and builds and feints until you feel almost frustrated by it before hitting the climactic return to the main theme. A right drama queen, that Tchaikovsky.

9)    Antonio Lucio Vivaldi (1678-1741, Italian) – Four Seasons
The Four Seasons is a series of violin concertos, which only just squeaked past the second of my three criteria as outlined above, because they’re backed by a chamber orchestra rather than a full one, but I was looking for a bit of baroque representation in my theoretical Ten Pieces III and this just had to be it. Baroque stuff is very neat and orderly, sometimes almost predictable, but don’t let that convince you that it’s boring: Vivaldi’s Four Seasons is just beautiful – perfectly formed, shall we say. As you can probably guess, each section is designed to evoke a different season – so spring, for example, is all fresh and lively and hopeful, winter is sort of spiky and unforgiving, and summer is really slow because everyone’s lolling about feeling too hot to move. No, really, that’s what Vivaldi intended to evoke: there’s an accompanying sonnet that confirms as much.

10) Xian Xinghai (1905-1945, Chinese) – Yellow River Piano Concerto
This piano concerto was actually arranged by a pianist called Yin Chengzong, based on Xian Xinghai’s Yellow River Cantata, which he composed, along with a number of other patriotic works, during the Japanese occupation of Manchuria in the 1930s. The piano is perfect for conveying the movement of the water, though, and the interactions between it and the orchestra – which for this piece is required to include a dizi (Chinese transverse flute) and pipa (Chinese plucked lute) as well as all your standard orchestral instruments – are just a treat to listen to.

So there you have my suggested set of works for Ten Pieces III. If anyone from the BBC is reading, you might want to get on that. Although I’m sure my wonderful readers have their own ideas as well; if you’re lucky, they might leave one or two in the comments – and then I’ll be lucky enough to have a few recommendations to follow up as well. As I’ve said before, I’m no expert in classical music: I just love it. And what further qualification than that should there be for praising and recommending something?