Potentially Don’t Read This Post

“Dear Reader,

Before you throw this awful book to the ground and run as far away from it as possible, you should probably know why. This book is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children’s miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful books in the world.

There are many pleasant things to read about, but this book contains none of them. Within its pages are such burdensome details as a suspicious shopkeeper, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anaesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire. Clearly you do not want to read about such things.

I have sworn to research this story, and to write it down as best I can, so I should know that this book is something best left on the ground, where you undoubtedly found it.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket.”

Lemony Snicket, The Hostile Hospital (2001)

 

Just look at all the other things you could be reading right now! Poor neglected books - some kindly soul should shelve them.

Think very hard before you keep reading.

That’s not to say I spurn your interest in my humble blog; quite the opposite. Thanks awfully, O Genuinely Cherished Reader. It really does mean so much that you’ve bothered to click the link that brought you here, that you’re ready to see some value in what I have to say, that out of the churning sea of ever-increasing content that is the Internet, you have deigned to deem my weekly ramblings worth your time. Loyal readers, I’m looking at you. I seriously love you guys. However few or many you may be at any given time, you’re the ones who make this whole endeavour worth something. Much as I derive a good deal of enjoyment from maintaining this blog, I think it very unlikely I would still be maintaining it if nobody had ever told me that he or she appreciated the fact that I do.

So on one level, I’m thrilled that you read what I write, I really am. But on another, I can’t condone you spending time on my ramblings if there are more worthy demands on your time. I know what it’s like to scroll through Facebook clicking on this article and that because there are too many things I really ought to be doing and I can’t quite bring myself to commit to doing any one of them first.¹

I also know what it’s like to kid myself that reading content that makes reference to God counts at least a little bit towards actually devoting time to him. In fact, more than that, I know what it’s like to kid myself that writing content that makes reference to God counts at least a little bit towards actually devoting time to him. There are posts I have written and uploaded while feeling like a total hypocrite the whole time for telling other people what to do with their spiritual lives when mine was in such a mess. There is nothing inherent in me that qualifies me to comment on, well, anything, let alone such weighty matters as God and the gospel. If you have ever seen the smallest aspect of him more clearly as a result of something I’ve written, that was his doing, not mine. What am I but an earthen vessel?²

I know I don’t talk solidly about Jesus every week, but I do hope that everything I upload is in some way or other honouring of him, even if it’s about Disney films or superheroes. I hope my outlook on all matters bears some evidence of the one I aim to serve in all things, even if that evidence isn’t always the most stupendously obvious thing in the world. And I hope, dear reader, that this blog is what it is supposed to be, namely a mutually beneficial project for us both. This is not me pulling a Lemony Snicket and claiming that what I write couldn’t possibly be of value or interest to anyone ever, all the while relentlessly writing it anyway.³ On the contrary, I am supposed to get something out of arranging my thoughts into coherent sentences that I can revisit later, and you are supposed to get something out of digesting those coherent sentences and the thoughts they contain.

So if you aren’t, stop reading. If reading my blog has never caused you to give thought to any matter of import, never helped you crystallise your own opinions, and never backlit any aspect of God’s character or deeds in your mind such that you might be prompted to draw closer to him and praise him more heartily, then my blog isn’t doing its job, and I can’t honestly commend it to you as a good place to invest your time.

I write this because I was recently toying with the idea of uploading posts less often, basically because I was concerned that writing my blog was taking priority over more important things. As it happens, I’ve concluded that the problem isn’t the fact that I blog, but rather the fact that my fallen heart is horribly prone to prioritising almost anything over the pursuit of God’s kingdom. If I didn’t blog, something else – potentially something distinctly less helpful – would spring up to fill the gap; it’s a case of a need to realign my desires, not my to-do list. So I’ll keep writing for as long as my doing so appears to be having, at least to some extent, the mutually beneficial effect I want it to. You, meanwhile, are not obliged to keep reading. So if this blog is just another way for you to kill time, if reading it is proving less helpful for you than other things you could be doing, please don’t.

But if you’re just thinking, “Oh, do shut up, Anne, and just write something interesting, like usual,” then I’ll gladly shut up, apologise for wasting your time, and attempt to have something interesting for you next week.

Footnotes

¹ Some clever human has invented a browser add-on that replaces the user’s entire Facebook newsfeed with a motivational quotation, so that messages, notifications and so on are still viewable, but it’s a lot harder to waste time scrolling. As far as I’m aware, it’s currently only available for Google Chrome, https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/news-feed-eradicator-for/fjcldmjmjhkklehbacihaiopjklihlgg, and of course it does rather treat the symptom of the compulsive scrolling problem rather than the lack of self-discipline that underlies it. Still, I thought I’d mention it: sometimes desperate times call for depressingly desperate measures.

² Or a jar of clay, or whatever you want to call it. ‘Earthen vessel’ sounds the most poetic, I think. In any case, the concept comes from 2 Corinthians 4: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians+4&version=ESVUK. Go on, give it a read – especially in light of what this week’s post is about.

³ Netflix have now released a definitely-genuine trailer, in perfectly-executed Lemony Snicket style, for their adaptation of A Series of Unfortunate Events: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hlNVt-STn4. Who else is excited?