Intimidating

“Cady, I know that having a boyfriend may seem like the most important thing in the world right now, but you don’t have to dumb yourself down to get guys to like you … I know, how would I know, right? I’m divorced; I’m broke from getting divorced; the only guy that ever calls my house is Randy from Chase Visa. And you know why? Because I’m a pusher. I push people. I pushed my husband into law school; that was a bust. I pushed myself into working three jobs. And now I’m going to push you, because I know you’re smarter than this.”

Mean Girls (2001)

 

Ah yes, pushing square glasses down the nose, a sure-fire means of increasing the intimidation factor.

Some possible answers of mine, varying in earnestness, to that spear-in-the-guts of a question, how are you still single?:

1)      Beats me, mate. I mean, personally, I think I’m great company, clever, beautiful, and pretty low-maintenance, plus I can bake and I know how to fold a fitted sheet, so you’d think the fellas would be falling over themselves to court me. But, you know, I also think that pineapple on pizza is really tasty, The Last Jedi is the best Star Wars film, and teaching oneself to read Ugaritic is a fun way to spend a free afternoon,¹ so I’m aware that my opinions of things don’t necessarily align particularly closely with those of the general populus.

2)      I think of it as an act of service to my sisters in Christ. You must have noticed the dire shortage of men in the Church, especially young and eligible ones, so I’m simply doing the other ladies a favour by letting them have the gentlemen instead of pilfering one for myself. How terribly selfless of me, don’t you agree?

3)      Well, you know, I’m not sure I really want one of these husband things anyway. They sound like rather a lot of trouble to take care of, and what would I even do with one? Well, all right, I’ll admit I have a few ideas … like, use his income to pay off a mortgage twice as fast. But I seem to have managed all right so far without one and see no reason I shouldn’t go on doing so.

4)      Go and read my May 2017 post ‘The Astonishing Adventures of Captain Oblivious’ and all shall become crystal clear. I now have the odd other example to add to the story, as well. Like the time when I didn’t realise I was being deliberately introduced to someone even though the introducer and myself had been talking about the necessity of some level of deliberacy in pursuing romantic relationships literally directly beforehand. Or the time when, something having suddenly dawned on me more than a year after the pertinent event, I asked a friend of mine, “Wait, hang on, if my married friends invited me and a single guy over to theirs for dinner and a Studio Ghibli film, does that mean they were trying to set us up? And does that mean I probably shouldn’t have suggested that they ought also to have invited another female friend of ours who also likes Studio Ghibli?”²

5)      I can only assume that men are intimidated by my height and/or intellect. One of which is only marginally more towering than the other.

And you know, I wish that last one were as stupid as it sounds, but in case you were under the misguided impression that it actually was, allow me to tell you a tale.

Oxford. Early June. Christian conference on textual studies. Mainly American delegates. Salmon for lunch. Round tables. Anticlockwise from me round ours, I overheard a comment I couldn’t let slide. “Sorry, hang on,” I interrupted. “Did you just say that you’re the only woman in your biblical languages class?”

She confirmed that I’d heard correctly. Nobody else seemed to think this fact worthy of any great comment, but I for my part was at least mildly flabbergasted. Plus, I have a vested interest in trying to figure out why people do or don’t choose to study the biblical languages as part of theology-related degrees, given that last academic year, in the spring term, I taught a Biblical Hebrew class that had halved in size since it began in September. So I had plenty of motive to ask a follow-up question: how come? Why do you think women aren’t choosing to study the biblical languages?

 

Like, who wouldn’t want to be able to read Hebrew?

To answer that, she began by establishing the context that there were plenty of women in her seminary overall; they were just choosing to study other things – like counselling, or intercultural studies. Why this aversion to the biblical languages? The first explanation she could think of was that an awful lot of women go to seminary in the hope of finding a husband.

What, I said, and guys aren’t into women who are into the biblical languages? She looked at me as if this were common knowledge. Did I know, she wondered aloud, how many guys had told her they found her intimidating because of her learnedness in that sphere? (She’s a New Testament text critic, by the way, which means she looks at variations in the text found in different manuscripts and tries to work out why they exist.) “You?” I blurted in sheer disbelief (not, perhaps, particularly tactfully, but hey, I was flabbergasted, cut me some slack). “But you’re awesome!” I followed up in the hope of clarifying my point. She is, too. She’s really interesting to talk to, perceptive, articulate, caring, totally beautiful, with an adorable slighty-southern-States accent – what’s not to like? Intimidating, because she reads Greek and Hebrew? This was all most unfathomable.

I suspect the problem probably runs deeper in the American Church, but I don’t think we in the UK are entirely uncontaminated by it either. For example, in my end-of-programme pastoral chat at the end of my first summer working at Tyndale House, the programme director, among lots of very good advice about things like establishing a good work-life balance now so as to be able to stick to it later, mentioned that it was worth bearing in mind that, if I did get married, I’d very likely be more highly theologically educated than my husband. Which is true, so fair comment and all, but like … why does it matter?

Intimidating. I’m reminded of a bit of Aisling Bea standup I saw recently, in which she discusses the sorts of things people have said to her since she and her boyfriend broke up.³ “The other thing that people would say,” she recalls, “you’d hear them say it often – would be, um, ‘Oh, do you think it’s because men are intimidated by funny women?’” She gasps. “Men are intimidated.” She assails a random audience member with a suitably make-you-jump sort of noise. “Intimidated, threatened, by funny women. Um, do you know, do you know what women are intimidated by? Uh, the fact that men can kill us with their hands.” She says it in this blithe, amused, happy-go-lucky sort of tone, with a couldn’t-care-less smile that makes it both funnier and more startlingly poignant. “Ah, and that’s a fair swap, isn’t it,” she continues. “Isn’t that a fair swap? That’s, I mean that’s fine, of course. Um, and now I joke, but in fairness, Powell” – here she addresses, possibly, the not-so-random-after-all-as-it-turns-out audience member? The clip doesn’t come with enough context to determine – “I have no idea what it must be like, from my privileged position, to be walking down a lay way at night, potentially after a comedy gig, and you’ve had a few beers and you’re very nervous and your phone’s gone dead – why didn’t you get an Uber at the time, you idiot? – and you’re walking down a lay way at night, and you’ve got your keys out, because at any moment a woman might jump out of a hedge and tell you a joke!”

 

I mean, who knows what might be lurking in a hedge.

Men are intimidated. As Ms. Bea so entertainingly expresses, the very notion of it is absolutely blooming crazy. That men should feel threatened by women who are funnier than them – or cleverer than them, or know more about the Bible than they do. That Christian men, in particular, should feel threatened by women who read the biblical languages because, my gosh, at any moment one might jump out of a hedge and tell you about New Testament manuscript variations! Help! The sheer extent of the power she wields! The unthinkable damage she might inflict on your poor innocent self! How could you ever even consider getting romantically involved with a creature of such might and potential to harm you?

It baffles me. I hasten to add that I am, of course, not concerned for myself – you’ll have gathered that I have concluded that it matters precious little to me whether I ever end up in a romantic relationship or not (to my mind, getting married and not getting married are both equally terrifying prospects; if anything, the former has the edge) – but I tell you whom I am concerned for: all those young women going to seminary to study something, anything, just as long as it’s not the most valuable, most fundamental, most transformative key to understanding the scriptures in greater depth that a Christian can be given.⁴ Not that, not the languages, because that, heaven help us, might scare the blokes away.

Forgive me, but exactly how pathetic does a man have to be to be intimidated by a woman who can read and understand the scriptures in their original wording? What possible harm does that actually threaten him with? Would it not rather be to a male Christian’s benefit, if he can’t read Greek annd Hebrew himself, to have a wife able to correct and encourage him in his scriptural study with regard to the original wording? Would that not be a great asset to their family? Would this means of gaining increased understanding of scripture not be something to value and nurture, for the sake of both the woman’s holiness and her capacity for ministry to others? Intimidated, by enhanced opportunity for growth in godliness? Really?

I don’t get it. I hate to think so ill of my brothers in Christ, but are they just determined that they have to be, to put it crudely, better than their wives as far as the knowledge of God is concerned? Do they think that that’s what being the head of the body means, being as Christ to the Church? Do they think that a wife who’s more highly theologically educated than her husband is incapable of respecting and submitting to him properly? Do they think that it is only the proper and natural situation that women should be less knowledgeable than men about scriptural matters? Do they not view women as co-heirs of eternal life and entitled to the full revelation of God’s mysteries that comes with it?⁵

It makes me furious to think that I have sisters in Christ out there who feel a need to hold themselves back from the ‘harder’ realms of theological study because they have been told, however explicitly or implicitly, that to pursue such things is to make oneself unattractive to men. I lay a certain amount of blame on both doorsteps. Christian women should take God’s words seriously when he tells them that pursuing him is more important than pursuing anything that will only last as long as the present age, marriage included, and that actually singleness is more blessed because it enables an unadulterated focus on him.⁶ But Christian men, blimey O’Reilly, Christian men should be the first to encourage their sisters to strive after greater knowledge of the Lord by whichever means are available. I’m not saying that that must, for everyone, mean studying the biblical languages, but surely, surely, in a seminary populated around half by women, the number of them who feel inspired to attend a biblical languages class ought to exceed one. Christian men should not be telling women that knowing the Bible really well is an unattractive trait – is intimidating. They should be encouraging them in godliness, nurturing their gifts, willing them to thrive and be excellent. Is that not what Christ does for the Church when he sends his Spirit to sanctify her?

Perhaps this is a misplaced rant. Perhaps the problem I describe infects far narrower confines than I have supposed. But that conversation in Oxford last June was never going to not turn into a blog post. And regardless, the following still applies. Sisters, brothers, pursue greater knowledge of God by whichever means are available to you; don’t let anyone tell you you shouldn’t, especially not for superficial reasons that pertain merely to the judgement of other human beings. Brothers, sisters, encourage one another in that endeavour; prioritise one another’s godliness without thought for your own greatness by worldly measures; see greater knowledge of God in others as something to be celebrated, increased, and emulated, not envied or pushed away. Our time is short. Our Lord is coming. Knowing and loving and serving him better matters too much not to pursue it in every way we can, and urge on our fellow-believers to do the same.

Footnotes

¹ It’s a Semitic language with a cuneiform abjad. Huehnergard’s grammar, https://www.amazon.co.uk/Introduction-Ugaritic-Huehnergard/dp/1598568205, was recommended to me by an expert, and is very good if you already have experience with a Semitic language or two.

² Studio Ghibli is partway through making its films available on Netflix at the moment, huzzah! https://www.netflix.com/search?q=studio%20ghibli

³ Here’s the clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjQSJPadGYM. It’s worth watching rather than just reading my transcription, because so much of what makes it so hilarious is in her delivery.

⁴ That a Christian can be given, because of course the most fundamental thing that enables a person to understand the scriptures is the Holy Spirit dwelling within her. See also my thoughts on this in ‘Dear Fellow Belivers Who Don’t Read the Biblical Languages’, under September 2017 in my blog archive if you fancy it.

⁵ A few scriptural allusions in this paragraph, but I’ll give you the 1 Peter: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter+3&version=ESVUK. That’s right, gentlemen, your prayers are hindered if you are not showing your wife the honour due an heir of eternal life. God, like all good fathers, really cares about his daughters being treated well.

⁶ Matthew 6:33, Matthew 22:30, and 1 Corinthians 7 throughout: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+7&version=ESVUK.